not-so-lovely letters

I'm feeling a bit under the weather and cranky. While emailing a friend about insurances, I started two short letters of complaint. More followed.

My dear K-girl,
Must you really whine about everything? Every.single.thing. Every.single.day. Must you? I love you dearly, but plucking my toenails one by one sounds more appealing than listening to the whining. Please stop.

Dear dental insurance,
Your coverage is almost useless. Paying $18 as your portion of a $2000 procedure is ridiculous. It's not like my hubby pulled his tooth just for the fun of it and it's not like he wasn't already having it fixed in the one-year process the dentist mapped out for him. Take your $18 and shove it --- the least you could pay is my monthly premium. Thirty-two bucks will not kill ya.

My sweet children,
Where is my beloved white cardstock? I know you all like to draw with markers and I love your artwork, but could you please use Daddy's white copier paper instead? Although, it really is fine since your white cardstock drawings and alien cards get seen more often than the white-background layouts I make.

To health plan,
Why do you not cover the H1N1 screening for my elementary-age son? You say he's not in a high-risk category, but hello, have you seen the germy kids at school who cough all over the place, touch each other with boogery hands and come to school already sick? And, why is it that my doctor can deem it necessary for the H1N1 culture [which you cover], but only after we pay the $40 for the screening that is not reliable?

Uh-huh, Aunt Flo,
I am tired of your monthly visit. Please go away.

Idiot driver,
You know who you are --- yes, you, the smoking, cell phone talking girl who thought you needed to ride my car's bumper on the winding road around the airport. Why? I was going the speed limit. If you were in such a hurry, you should've started your trip a few minutes earlier. And, do you know what double yellow lines mean? It means no passing ----- really, you shouldn't pass me, through double yellow lines while going over a hill. You were lucky this time.

Car repair shop,
Enjoy my $500 for the car repair [that I diagnosed myself]. I'm sure your technician that did the $300 worth of work will only see about $30 of it in his paycheck. I will be taking an auto mechanics class to show you up.

Dear self,
Patience. Repeat it after yourself time and time again [mainly when that cute K-girl whines or when you can't find white cardstock or when you have to pick up piles of toys and dirty clothes] --- P A T I E N C E. Take a deep breath and enjoy those cute, sweet K-kiddos -- they're growing up way too quickly not to enjoy every single ounce of them.

My dear lovely hubby,
I love you to pieces. And thank you for putting up with me. *smooch*

Ah, lovely Friday.